Lately, I have been reading a Blog by a girlfriend from college. AnyMommyOutThere is enlightening and wonderful. Stacey is open and honest about motherhood, her children, family and herself. I love it. Stacey recently added a new baby boy to her family. Nathaniel Patrick, Baby Nate was born at 12:25 p.m. on Sunday, June 28, 2009. He was 9 lbs 3 oz and 22 inches long.
I have very much enjoyed "watching" her from afar while she was pregnant with her fourth child (third pregnancy, one adoption). The link included goes directly to her most recent post. I loved it and I left her the following comment. I didn't want to forget so I am adding it here to our blog. I know this is not what I normally include on the Blog but sometime it just isn't about the kids!
Oh, but you did just what you said you might not. You gushed, you gave us all a glimpse at the new family in motion, and you were honest. Newborn motherhood is its own animal (good and bad) but knowing this was your last baby is a very different experience. At least it was for me. Some women might not know at the time they are PG that this is it. Some may have their last baby with the intention of "someday", but I walked into my third and final pregnancy knowing it was it. For us, it was now or never. It changed the whole experience, for better and worse.
As I am now 16 months into this "last one", I realize that what I experienced was a deep mourning as I was leaving pregnancy behind. Sounds weird huh? I had a new baby, I was lucky too. I knew it. That was the problem. Despite intelligent adult decisions that were made about our family size and other things, I felt very sad. I would say that I carry this forward a little as I watch my youngest grow. The last time for...smiles...crawling...walking...first words...whatever! Go ahead and pile that on top of newborn motherhood with toddlers in tow and see how your day goes!?!
I am sort of still looking for the ability to simultaneously be in three places at once as a Mom. I want to be in each place equally. Never mind trying to remember that I am married to a man I adore. I’m not sure I do it any better than when I went from one to two and then to three children but I think that we all at least know what is going on. Eventually, a new normal will show up.
The normalcy of the motherhood experiences expressed in this post are profound, honest and hopefully enlightening as others considering embarking on their next or maybe even final child. The trouble most of the time is that the perception of normal is killing the real experience. Can I say that June Cleaver is not my role model?
Official Birthday!
14 years ago
2 comments:
Nicole! I didn't know this was you, I've been so behind on my blogs/emails, etc. lately. Hi. Thank you again for this wonderful, insightful comment on my conflicted mom to newborn emotions.
No wonder you had trouble leaving pregnancy behind...your children are gorgeous.
s
Thanks Stacey...
I hope you are feeling a little better. I know it took me a long time to feel better the third time, let alone the fourth for you (adding to the child count). I think that it is our destiny and at some point each Mom crosses this bridge. Some more deliberately like you and me and others down the road based on a realization of the end of adding to their family. Bottom line is that we all are here to continue life into the future and I think it’s tough to embrace the next part of motherhood (rearing children) and leave behind the first part.
I think the other big factor for me was I loved being pregnant. I loved sharing my body with my not so little ones. Truly amazing!!
Maybe these are also the reasons why people want to be grandparents and be able to suck back some youth into their lives and try to forget that they use to have teenagers (um, us) they hated. By the time my kids are old enough to think about parenthood, I think that I will be ready for a new little one around.
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